May Be There Just Might Be a Way.

May be it wasn’t my best idea to try and make my members laugh. I think I did achieve part one of my mission I did make them laugh but not entirely sure if the second part worked. The second part was to help them recapture their want to lead a more healthier lifestyle, this isn’t always about the weight loss its about increasing a persons self belief and more importantly self confidence that they can really achieve their goals even when the going gets tough. I truly believe if we want to do something and believe we can we are half way there, now I totally get it that somethings aren’t possible a 5ft 2in person isn’t going to wake up 5ft 10in not matter how much she wants to and believe me I have wished for long enough, a deaf person can not suddenly wish them selves to hear or a depressed person pull themselves together it just isn’t that simple at all.

However we can all sometimes get caught up in a negative cycle in which we really can’t see an easy way out and can sometimes feel so over whelmed with everything that the most simple solution doesn’t enter our head.

I had such a lovely time at the virtual market and felt so good about myself that I thought it would be a great idea to really go the extra mile for my Slimming World Members that have continued their journey I had planned to talk about when the going gets tough, we have all been there we so want to lose some weight but we just continue to eat high fat sugary  food and perhaps have the odd too many alcoholic drinks. Then we just feel so annoyed and cross with ourselves, how stupid must we be to continue this cycle, the daft thing is we are our own worse enemy as this just leads us to comfort eat more, as per usual I am going well off point.

So how can I help motivate people, how can we get our want back find our way, last summer I remember a Consultant using the Village People and their hit song YMCA to do this, um I could do a little dance she thought. Oh maybe it would be funny to dress up too so off Amanda goes making sure she prepares for some fabulous thinking in group and some fun. Goodness I know I needed a laugh and so do most people now ,life is flipping hard out there, so all ready song lyrics down loaded costume sorted.

Let’s practice this dance then, I can certainly do it in my chair, umm I just happen to have forgotten my arms don’t actually move that well so let’s improvise then. This is how things spiral out of control if I am doing this why not make a little video to see if I can help encourage some members to come back to group too.

Well I would be lying if I said I didn't enjoy being daft was I shy yep did I feel silly goodness yes , can I sing hell no but it was fun and I ran three Slimming World Sessions that I was proud of me and every member as after a good laugh and a bit of silliness everyone got down to some great deep thinking about how we can all make little changes to get us where we want to be. 

I even went to bed wondering if I should try and dance more as I do so miss it, well the short answer to that is definitely not, Thursday afternoon and Friday I haven’t been able to move my arms at all, I have had to kinda wedge my elbow against my knee then use the other hand to hold the wrist to use it like a lever to have a cuppa etc, oops and the shoulder blades have flipped out so much I keep knocking them on the wall. So maybe just maybe I did a bit too much but never mind, I can type today and they just ache a lot today they don’t hurt hurt well just a bit.

Do I regret it? nope I pushed myself and its made me release I got a hell of a lot more fun in me yet, I so want to hang on to what I have for as long as I can, its a scary world for us all out there and for me it absolutely terrifies me, the thought of surviving Covid as a neuromuscular patient is horrendous I am not ready for the rapid muscle loss that can happen I cant rebuild mine, I am not too happy at the thought of dying either ,not ready for that yet.

So for today and tomorrow and however long it is until I decide its safe for me to come out I will be staying here end of. My life is worth fighting for and I do deserve the best one I can grab and I am truly grateful to have the people behind the scenes that have helped me finally start to believe there may be  just a way we kind find a solution that might work for me in this crazy world.

More ramblings to come and I am going share my dance as I am so flipping proud I have done it.

The Power of A Hair Bobble.

This made me really smile the other night I thought it was so funny, maybe you just need my brain to appreciate it, anyway I went to sleep smiling on Saturday evening because who doesn’t like Kermit the frog. I am sure well I know I am not the only person whose sleep pattern has gone completely crazy I didn’t stay asleep long and woke up thinking about my hair.

How was I going to be able to put my hair up in a bobble my silly arms can’t move like that sitting down or standing up, I asked a couple of people whose reply was Clive will have to learn how to do it. Well I am sorry that really isn’t an option bless him he does most things I ask but I really would rather not go back to having my hair done like my mum used to do it. You must all related they pull the ponytail so tight they give you an instant face lift you cant even close your eyes the skin is pulled so tight oh and the headache. I am sure mum thought hair clips were actually mean’t to be embedded in your scalp too.

So I started to think very dangerous if you are Amanda, I have learn’t a lot of skills during lockdown and most of them I have learn’t from good old you tube, my you can waste so much time watching absolute rubbish. I remember my daughter saying about a disabled girl who could do her makeup so well and she did You Tube videos that were amazing, so I managed to find a young lady who had a tutorial HowTo Put your Hair Up With One Arm seriously you can learn anything. I watched and thought and watched again. Still not able to sleep I went onto Facebook big mistake normally I have been keeping my distance please just don’t get me started on the lack of sense in some people and the rubbish that people think it is OK to say. Ok I will stop I promise. So an event reminder came up about a Virtual Vegan Market I had clicked interested in months ago , yes I was going to go in real life was really looking forward to it.

I then thought well why not give it a go I have nothing to lose do I , and lets face it I have 0% catching Covid from a virtual market. So I snuggled back down at about 5 am to hatch my plan. I was determined not to be poor old me, if only I could go out like other people life isn’t fair etc etc. I did start thinking oh but I would have bought vegan brownies yes my brownie addiction is still going strong and maybe a little piece of chocolate cake and it would be rude to not try a cookie wouldn’t it.

I now have a plan I have all the ingredients for a chocolate cake. I like everyone else bought them at the start of Lockdown me being me worked out the syns for the small cake , it was over 50 for one so actually hadn’t made the cake. I thought you know what Amanda this Slimming World is taking over your life , your stressed ,your tired give yourself a break cut yourself some slack.

Sat straight back up to google my recipes for cookie and cheese cake yes I do have the ingredients yippee I planned to make my treats then pop them in little bags  for after the virtual market next job shower.

This is the most genius part of the whole situation I was so excited I new I had the skills to sort any damage after ,great plan, what to wear outfit sorted. I absolutely love being able to chose what I want to wear not what fits, everyone who has ever had a weight problem gets this, I have worked flipping hard during Lockdown on my own personal journey. I really am not ashamed to say that I have been attending a Virtual Group for me as a member and loving it, then I thought yep I had said I wanted a pound this week thats doable nothing was going to get in my way, I am 2 pound away from being spot on my Target, ping I suddenly didn’t want to do the baking after all. Sure treats are nice but it had taken me 4 weeks to lose 2.5 pounds that would easily go on with the amount of syns planned. I want my Target back so much more.

Now what to do with the spare time the market doesn’t start till 10.30 yep try and put my hair up, well I am not going to say it was easy, I certainly swore a flipping lot, I distinctively remember actually saying well its alright for her, at least her other arm is normal I have two stupid arms that can’t lift them selfs up on there own. I never like thinking those thoughts it really isn’t a competition who has more issues than the next, other peoples struggles don’t make mine any easier to cope with.

I actually managed to find a way to wedge one elbow on my drawers then lift the other arm with the first grab a bit of hair and use the wall to secure it. This was repeated until it was all in place, was ok until I saw the back yep it was pants.

But I am a stubborn bugger and it was not going to beat me so I kept trying and it was ok I thought. Do you know what if people disagree I don’t actually care.

So yep all ready I sat on my comfy chair Seabass on my knee at the virtual market, it was flipping amazing so many gorgeous jewellery stalls, ,my goodness the cake stalls too. There was even a lunch area which you could order vegan food for delivery. I had a great time I really did , I so enjoyed being able to get to the front of every stall look at what I wanted to see and take as long as I wanted. The best bit was that I wasn’t tempted to buy anything at all, I do know where to order from when I want too though.

I am going to do more stuff like this,it really has made me feel just a little bit more like me again.

The best bit too its my day to send my Consultant my results and its not the pound I wanted its 3 go me ,I am now back under Target feeling amazing this morning and planning my own groups for the week. Which are going to be Fabulous watch this space.

I really don't like this new normal.

I can’t believe it is already the end of June 2020 I am so annoyed at myself on many levels. The first being that I have been a big tart and stopped blogging, one thing that I really do enjoy and know it really helps me. I started this blog as I have said before in the hope that I might be able to help just one disabled person come to accept who they are whether they need to lose weight or not.

I have said before I actually didn’t expect family and friends to read this, I haven’t felt able to post anything because I haven’t wanted anyone to know how I have been really feeling, I wanted to be really brave and just get on with things , I should of learnt a long time ago what I want and what actually get are often not the same thing. I have been really struggling on many levels and I am cross that I havent felt able to share this as I am always the first to go on about we shouldn’t be embarrassed how we feel, but that ok when it isn’t me.

I don’t want my first post to go on and on and bore the pants off you so I am going to try and just do a really quick summary and see how it goes.....um I hear you saying I bet she can’t keep her word. As you can see from my picture taken yesterday like most people my hair has grown, it hasn’t been this long in over 22 years now I feel very old, I have lost more muscle but that’s another story but I can still stand which I am so grateful for, Seabass is still by my side everyday and is one of the best decisions we ever made was getting a Bulldog I can’t believe I am saying that. I think I am going to be incredibly grateful for this photo and a hair bobble but I will come back to this.

So what’s been up then, well I was busy worrying about my future the MD was progressing rapidly and I really didn’t know which way I wanted my life to go then we started hearing these reports off COVID 19, well my world has gone totally upside down on many levels.  We have all been scared I am nothing special everyone’s life is different I really am just going blurt this stuff out because I am ok now and don't to sound like I am full of self pity because I am not.

You all know that I love my role as a Slimming World Consultant and if you are a member of a group you know that we are still running our groups virtually, you will not know that in order to do this all Consultants have had to work so so hard, we have learnt so many new skills so quickly, I have learnt more IT skills in 12 weeks than I thought possible and I am proud of this, the admin side of our role is phenomenal asking for payments logging payments tracking payments, answering queries its a totally different system to what we had before, we have had a lot of support from Slimming World but all these meetings and courses take time, we are all working long hours 7 days a week, trying to keep our groups going supporting our members when its really hard for everyone. I totally understand members who have had to stop attending people have lost there jobs everyone is worried about their financial security me included , over half my members haven’t felt able to continue their membership which to be blunt for me is a huge drop in income for a huge increase in work load. It’s been the hardest time ever as a Consultant everyone has wanted needed to comfort eat and I just pray that there will be a Slimming World for everyone to come back too when it is safe to do so. I truly believe that every member that has stuck with me will make it to Target as they my not feel they are where they want to be but they have all done amazing.

You will have noticed my blogging editing skills are now rubbish I need to relearn how to do this. You might recall I had tried a plant based diet which I am so pleased to say is flipping fabulous I love it and have loads to say about this at a future date.

Shielding is pants I havent been outside my bungalow at the front for 15 weeks or been off my decking its been hard I miss my children all four of them , I miss my mum and dad both 82 I am frightened to death they are going to get COVID. I am not as frightened of me dying from it I am frightened of catching the bloody thing and surviving, crazy you may think but it isn’t. If the bug doesn’t kill me which it probably will the damage it will do to my muscles is hard to read, I am not sure how i would cope if couldn’t move arms legs couldn’t sit up , eat drink not really much of a life for anyone.

While the virus is out there and there isn’t a vaccine or a treatment I am at great risk, its so scary the MD society are working really hard to advise us best they can , what really worries me and thousands of others  that when shielding is suspended what happens to us. It’s a big decision to have to make to weigh up the risks I do know at the moment it isn’t safe for me. But if one more person asks me when it will be safe I am going to totally lose my marbles, for the record I want to go out, I want to go see my parents it should be me looking after my parents, I want to go see my daughters new home, my sons new home meet his new partner her children my first little adopted children haven't met Nanna the Elf. We both have had to rely on friends and family for everything I miss the outside world I do but keep asking me when it is going to be safe I don’t know, if  the R rate goes down it will be sooner if it goes up it will be later.

Well I am going stop now tomorrow I promise to blogg about the market I went too and the hair bobble, just hope I have the courage to press publish.

National Acceptance Day

Today has been a typical Amanda day, I woke up in a very positive mood, thinking that it being National Acceptance Day I should start by accepting myself for who I am and being happy and confident about my own thoughts.

I sat in bed having a cup of tea thinking about what a profound blog I could write about how society doesn’t really accept disabilities etc posting a picture on Facebook thinking how I am going to change the world. National Acceptance Day is 20th January and yep today is the flipping 21st Jan that’s me late to the party I missed the day. This has nothing at all to do with Muscular Dystrophy it is just me being me. Today I don’t really care that’s just me.

I am starting to feel so much better I have realised that I worry far too much about what other people might think about me instead of just getting on with my life doing what is best for me. I have been struggling with such intense pain for a few months now and have been doing a lot of research and reading about my options.  One of my options is medicinal cannabis but I am totally against this, I appreciate it works for some people but it is defiantly not an option for me. I can not tolerate morphine and I am allergic to codeine, medication wise this leaves anti inflammatory medication which is not a good option either I need to look after my kidney function.

There is a lot of evidence that a plant based diet is beneficial for muscle inflammation as well  as the other health benefits, I have been considering trying this for some time. Lots of things have been stopping me the impact it might have on my family, not wanting to be awkward, thinking I couldn’t possibly live without eggs people might think I am going really strange. There is so much stereotypes about plant based diets.

However like most things in Amanda's world it has to get really uncomfortable before I consider changing, so I decided to give it a go, now is so the right time to do this as its Veganuary Vegan January , most of  the supermarkets have a plant based section at the moment. It is very early days in my little experiment as I am only day 8, however I definitely feel different. My pain is definitely less this my well be a placebo effect because I am so desperate for this to work, my muscles are so much more relaxed the tension and spasm is far less. The other surprising thing is my headaches have gone, I have had headaches on a daily basis for many years these went after 24 hours.

Me being me is really enjoying reading and researching all about the different ingredients I am using I eat a lot of vegetarian meals its only really the diary free and eggs that I eat a lot of.

I am extremely fortunate as I have a vegetarian/(vegan at times) daughter who is also interested in nutrition and cooking so she has pointed me in the right direction.

So far the most surprising thing is the milk I have never really liked milk but oat milk to me is just delicious and alpro soya yoghurt I love. I cooked tofu for the first time today and yes I thought it was really tasty, I appreciate I have been very bored with my food recently so experimenting with different food is always good. I have decided to go 100% plant biased for 6 weeks I am not vegan as I will still wear my leather boots etc I am doing this to the pain experiment. I really don’t understand why I feel the need to justify to others why I am doing this. Don’t get me wrong other people haven’t said a thing it is my own prejudices about people that I am dealing with.

Today I have been out with Seabass and friends in the fresh air and loved it, I want to go back to being grateful for what I have got a lovely family and some great friends and live in a very comfortable country. I so need to try and get out more maybe I should try Red February as I am far to late for Red January.

Will I Ever Learn

Will I ever learn probably not, I always thought I was a reasonably intelligent person, however I have been feeling rubbish the last couple of weeks, I haven’t been blogging much at all as is obvious from the absence of posts.

I kinda know what has happened and I have a few changes I need to make in my life, I do miss writing my blog, today I have read some of my posts and my goodness. I realise my command of the English language and spelling is rather pants. You would think I had never read any of my posts before I publish them there are so many typing mistakes and spelling errors , feel quite embarrassed but I suppose that’s just me .

The thing that struck me so much is how I keep repeating the same pattern, so why haven’t I put changes into place to help myself. I really don’t know is the answer.

At the moment the only thing I am doing is my role of a Slimming World Consultant which I do love,  it hasn’t helped because I was already exhausted when I started the busiest time of the year. It all started with those blasted leaflets, I never dreamed that a little piece of paper can cause a person so much anguish. However they do, the reason they do is because I know first hand how much a little leaflet can change a persons life. So they are an important part of my role.

This time I have done things differently and had the most amazing help from some amazing people and if any of you read this blog I can not thank you all enough. The leaflet distribution worked we got all 6250 leaflets through letter boxes on time I actually enjoyed the days we where out leafleting.

I had a gentlemen join our group because of a little leaflet dropping on his mat, he is already feeling better about things and is looking forward to making changes in his shopping cooking and eating so he can improve his physical health, this is why I care about them so many people are desperate for help and it truly brakes my heart when people get pulled into quick fix fads that are not only expensive but they don’t work, they are then left feeling worse then when they started.

There are other parts of my role that I do which for me are physically exhausting, I am not feeling sorry for myself or moaning and I will not list them all, but I have to try and accept my body is different, I can’t do as much as I could 6 months ago, my arms are so much weaker and so is my right leg, my body gets a hard time from me because I always push the limits until it hurts so much that I have to stop ,this always means I sleep or I cry. I have been doing a lot of both.

I have been doing other things when I think about it, because I am so sore and tired the nice things I have been doing just don’t seem as fun. 

Last week we went to the pantomime which was just plain fabulous we arrived early as we do so decided to go for a coffee. My goodness that wasn’t easy all around the Theatre in Nottingham are lovely coffee shops and some not so lovely all with steps, we did manage to find a costa and it really didn’t bother me the access issues, this was most likely due to the fact a very nice car driver didn’t run me over when I forgot to look before I crossed the road. It’s amazing what a smile can do.

Not really sure where this blog is going or if I will publish it to be honest as it feels very poor old me and that’s not what I feel. I am so grateful that I have been born with an amazing ability to keep going  and keep picking myself up. I just wish I could learn to not let myself get so low before I try and pick myself up.

I haven’t mentioned my food optimising journey well I am back on my journey towards TARGET I did amazing on the run up to Christmas totally in control, Christmas Day and Boxing Day just as I had planned then oops self destruct and a large gain. So much I felt such a fraud when my story was published on our Team page as on that  day I was eating very high synced food. I really don’t know why I do it , I don’t enjoy it but even writing this I can feel a change from not even thinking of chocolate and cake to really wanting to have some. We all know we can when food optimising however I am starting to think I might have to permanently stay of the cake.

I am enjoying trying new foods at the moment and I am introducing more plant based meals for a few reasons which is a blog post in itself.

I think this is enough rambling for one day, just as a disclosure these are just my mad thoughts and before anyone puts 2 and 2 together and makes 7 I am still the same happy bunny enjoying my role as a Slimming World Consultant just have to manage my time so I am not so tired and let my little body rest. I am looking forward to spring getting my camera out and my crochet, also looking forward to blogging my adventures not just about my crazy brain.

Oops I done it again .......

 I really can’t believe that after my last blog in which I said I was going to spend time on me and actually make time to do this I haven’t.

I have actually gone back to my factory reset button which is work, work and if there is a little minute work some more. I am not sure where it comes from but I have always been the same.

The sad thing is I have worked so hard this December I am finding it very hard to switch off and relax.

I haven’t picked up my camera since my birthday which is two months ago, I find this very sad, I haven’t read a novel either. I am sat here tonight not actually knowing what to do, I have had a lovely day out in the community putting up posters for Slimming World and the past few days I have been out and about delivering leaflets.

This is part of my role that I find most difficult, doesn’t matter how much I try I simply can not post a leaflet through a letter box, I have accepted this I think but it still upsets me that I can’t do it. I am not sure why a silly thing like a leaflet gets to me but it does every campaign.

This time I have approached things differently and it has worked, I asked my members in group to help me and both my groups have amazed me. These aren’t all the people that have helped but I have permission to use this photo on social media. I worked really hard with google maps and a spread sheet, we attacked both my areas like a military operation everyone had there streets to do and we have delivered 6250 leaflets in the last couple of days. Apart from one small hick up its all gone well so well I have been left with all this adrenaline that I really don’t know what to do with.

In my typical Amanda style I have eaten cake and chocolate, that’s ok I am starting to realise I do this when I am feeling unsettled I don’t know how to deal with the feeling that we have done an amazing job and ok I haven’t actually posted a leaflet but they have all been done, now I need to look after myself and be ready to welcome people in January.

2020 is so going to be a fabulous year something is niggling at me I feel a challenge coming along but I really am not sure what it is, I do know that I want to use my skills to help people be happy and I would love to just be me.  When I do relax and get on with life instead of worrying about things I have so much fun, I loved my day at Elf the musical I so wish I could sing and dance ,I feel a little sad that the Elf outfit is going away for another year or is it.

I am going to try and get back into the habit of blogging everyday, and looking after my own mental health which has kinda gone out of the picture, I don’t do New Year Resolutions but I might this year.

Its Christmas For Us Too

Well I have had a fabulous weekend, busy but really good fun just what I needed. Camera club was really good haven't had chance to look at my pictures yet but that's ok.
Saturday morning  was spent doing grown up things like ironing. Last night really couldn't sleep because of such horrible pain in my right thigh another bit of muscle dying, really is get difficult on my right leg now.
Today we have had such a lovely day, nice visit from one of our daughters so I quick trip to Asda.
Now I am going to try not to moan and it's not just Asda and it doesn't just effect me. As I always say it's not just about me.
Why oh why is it suddenly OK to fill every aisle with all the big containers full of chocolates, wrapping paper extra everything. I get it everyone likes to buy a little extra but how are we supposed to get past, it's hard enough at the best of times. Now we have to negotiate everything in the aisles as well. That's if we can even get into the shop, these pop up stalls and markets ice rinks etc are fabulous but most have a little step so no good for me.
Was helping in the kitchen when my stupid right leg decided to give way fell forward and really head butted Clive very hard in the middle of his back. Was great for me did hurt but not as much as hitting the deck, didn't do Clive much good though.
The three of us are off to Nottingham in the morning to the Christmas Market. Hopefully will have some pictures too.